A SOUL LIKE MY OWN
(A monologue for a man "falling into the abyss")
® Benjamín Gavarre Silva
Contact:
gavarreunam@gmail.com
or
benjamingavarre@filos.unam.mx
CHARACTER:
THE CLIMBER: Dressed in technical gear in various shades of blue and a mountain beanie. He looks like someone defeated by nature but possessing an enviable lucidity.
SETTING:
Total void. In the background, the silhouette of the Volcano surrounded by impassive clouds. The sound design is a constant whistling wind that rises and falls in pitch, marking the emotional pulse of the story.
(The CLIMBER appears in a horizontal position, floating as if the air were an invisible pool. He does a slow somersault and ends up face up, looking toward where the sky should be.)
CLIMBER
(In a slow, almost amused voice)
It’s funny... I always thought gravity was a severe law, relentlessly fast... Like a judge in a wig screaming: "Down!". But no. Gravity is... polite. It invites you in. It’s escorting me to the world’s ground floor in a free elevator where time stretches out like melted cheese.
(He changes position. Tucks his legs in and hugs his knees in a fetal position. The light becomes warm, amber-toned.)
Fifteen thousand feet. Or thirteen. Thirteen thousand one hundred to be exact... the total, total height of the whole volcano. My fall was spectacular, I know... and I don’t say it out of vanity, but because for the first and last time in my life, I’m going to be front-page news. Yeah, I was a trending topic for two and a half days. Plenty of color photos... Tremendous. Although my actual fall was only about six hundred feet and it took me six point three seconds to hit the ground. Six seconds. Enough time to watch the premiere of my own life's movie, with no interruptions and no popcorn. My final experience is, literally, unforgettable... even if I won't have anyone to tell it to later.
(Pause)
Do you know what the first thing you remember is when you slip off the edge of the Volcano? Yeah, you already know... "Did I leave the stove on?". "The toilet flapper didn't close right and the whole building's water just went down the drain." Literally... like me right now? Or more serious things: the insurance policy, my will, the redemption of my many sins... and boy, have I sinned. But what’s popping into my head right now is the lavender scent of "COLOSSAL" floor cleaner. The best cleaner that cleans, cleans... and that I used to wash my gross socks and the boxers I’d already worn five times. I put them on smelling clean, clean... A round of applause for that fake lavender scent!
(He stretches out suddenly. A diver’s position with arms crossed.)
Boom! I’m five years old and I’m on my red tricycle. I’m enjoying the taste of metal as I suck on the handlebars. Rich, rich taste of rusty handlebars! (He laughs). And then... totally unrelated, but I’m reliving my first kiss. She tastes like mint gum and like a pro. She’s like forty and I’m nineteen... what a total cradle-robber. It was a kiss with a lot of lip; her mouth was flexible, like those gummy bears that stretch. Ah, I seem to be thinking a lot about things that stretch today.
(A look of wonder)
My first time was with a massager that vibrated... mind you, it had other uses I couldn't have imagined at eleven years old. Something stretched and something exploded to my enormous shock and my abysmal ignorance of what my body could do. Speaking of abysses... now my first real relationship pops up, my first time without the intervention of indifferent gadgets. And there I go in my first car... I learned to drive at the same time I learned to fuck... Ejem, excuse my "French," but that’s how you say it.
(His face lights up)
Ah, I remember my red Beetle! I loved it as much as my first girlfriend. In these moments, I can’t tell lies. I always had red cars, compacts, and stick shifts. You can do a lot of things with a floor shifter, or have them done to you if you’re lucky...
(He starts moving his hands as if shifting gears and hitting the clutch. He drives in the air and enjoys it intensely.)
Watch out, I’m coming in with no brakes! And my pleasure will be a pure, white explosion... A few seconds transform into an endless apotheosis. I have all the time in the world and the world's time dilates into six point three seconds of free fall!
(The wind roars. The CLIMBER turns upside down like a skilled acrobat. His legs pedal the void.)
I knew love for the first time with you... Everything was like that song: "If I had a soul like my own". No more, no less. I’m sending you a message, soulmate... (Screams into the void) I’m falling, I’m going to die and you know it! Can you feel my death? Right now, no matter where you are, you feel an unbearable pit in your stomach. Can you feel my death?
(He crouches and touches his nose tenderly)
We used to make the same gestures, say the same phrases at the same time... Jinx... but this time I’m asking a favor: don't touch your nose. I don't want us both to bleed even though we’re apart. I don't want you to feel the pain of what I’ve already forgotten.
(Changes to a lateral position, leaning his head on his hand as if lying on an invisible sofa.)
Attention passengers: "Calculating impact speed: seventy-five miles per hour. Time remaining: four point two seconds." But those four point two seconds are about three and a half decades; they’re a man's whole life... it’s a very short life, frankly, are you fucking kidding me?! I’m flying above everyone! No hands! No net! I’m done with everything and everyone...
(The light turns a blinding white. The sound of the wind disappears. Absolute silence. The CLIMBER remains in a vertical position, walking in the air with an Oneiric slowness.)
They say you see a light at the end. I see... a highway rising to the sky, to the giant. I see the clouds covering the summit... a cloud, more clouds, which are the Volcano breath. And I fall into this slow abyss, but I’m not afraid. Because falling isn't the opposite of flying. Falling is just flying toward a different destination. We’re all going to die, we already know that, but my inevitable death... I am living it intensely.
(He stops completely in mid-air. He looks at the audience with a serene smile. He touches the bridge of his nose as a final wink.)
Get ready, love. The impact is going to be soft. Like when we fall asleep watching a movie on a random Sunday. Only this time... I’m the star of the movie. And I know exactly how it ends. Goodbye, my life. I really do have a soul like my own... we’ll catch up later. It’s coming... it’s close... that’s it.
(The CLIMBER closes his eyes and lets himself drift backward, disappearing into total whiteness.)
BLACKOUT.
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