By Benjamin Gavarre
gavarreunam@gmail.com
A One-Act Play
CHARACTERS:
- CHARLES (35): A "young old man." Wears oversized clothes, walks with a stoop as if carrying centuries. A perpetual bachelor, professor of classical literature.
- BONNIE (100 dog years / 4 human years): Actress in an elegant grey coat. Her movements are slow, precise, and wise. Her "woof" is a beautiful, melancholic chant.
- LUNA (3 dog years): Young, hyperactive actress dressed in caramel colors. Moves in sudden bursts, gives little affection "bites" (light taps).
- BRAZILWOOD: Young, tall, handsome, and clumsy actor. Wears green and brown. Constantly trips over his own "roots."
- PEACE LILY (350 botanical years): Older actress holding a white hand fan (the flower). Dramatic, demanding, like a silent film diva.
- AFRICAN VIOLETS (2 or 3 actresses): Huddled together, wearing deep purple and green velvet. Snobby, easily chilled, aristocratic, and whiny.
- ORCHID: Impeccable posture, very tall, wearing fuchsia. Haughty gaze, sharp and cruelly honest voice.
- CHARLES RELOADED: Played by the same actor as Charles, but standing perfectly straight. Wears neon gym clothes, has the hyperactive attitude of a fitness trainer.
SCENE I: THE ECOSYSTEM OF SOLITUDE
(Minimalist stage. A couple of chairs, an imaginary window illuminated by a warm, solitary light. Slow, melancholic jazz plays. Charles puts on his heavy coat wearily, as if it weighed a ton).
CHARLES: (Sighing deeply) Well, I’m off. Off to lecture on Greco-Roman literature to students who look at me as if I were a glitching hologram. Behave yourselves. No parties. (Approaches the Peace Lily) Yes, Your Majesty, I moved you two inches closer to the light. Please don't do your wilting blackmail on me again.
(The Peace Lily breathes a sigh of relief, snaps her white fan open, and fans herself haughtily. Charles shuffles out the door awkwardly, dragging his feet. Prolonged silence. The music shifts to a light, mysterious waltz).
PEACE LILY: (With a raspy voice) Finally! I thought he’d never leave with that cloud of sadness he carries around. He steals all my oxygen.
SCENE II: THE MYTH OF THE MILLENNIAL FELINE
(Charles is still in the living room, clumsily stuffing books into his briefcase. Luna jumps in circles around him. Bonnie watches from her corner. The plants are attentive).
CHARLES: (Muttering to himself, highly concentrated) Today I will dazzle them. Yes. I’ll lecture on Theocritus. Syracusan poet, third century BC. Most think he only wrote pastoral poetry, but there are texts... whispers that he mastered the dark arts. Ancient magic. It’s fascinating.
PEACE LILY: (Snapping her fan closed, scandalized) Theocritus? Of course! Once, in my younger years, I had the misfortune of sharing a balcony with an arrogant black feline. Couldn't be any other way, all black cats think they're pharaohs.
VIOLET 1: Ugh, cats! Such vulgar beings.
PEACE LILY: This one claimed to have been adopted in Alexandria and learned black magic from Theocritus himself. If I’m old, calculate that... third century BC... that hellish beast would be about two thousand, three hundred years old today! And he spent his time threatening that, one day, he’d put all us vegetables in our place with a spell.
BRAZILWOOD: (Puffing out his chest, boasting) Balderdash! Let that mummified cat come! If he dares step on this pot, I’ll strike him with my Tyrannosaurus strength. One swing of this prehistoric wood and I’ll knock the magic right out of him. I am a green warrior! (Steps awkwardly and almost trips).
LUNA: (Tugging at Charles's trousers persistently) Woof! Mister Chicken-Giver! What is a cat? Is it like a squirrel, but with magic? Can we get one? I want a cat to play with and bite its ears!
BONNIE: (Rising majestically, interrupting Luna) Silence, naive pup. No cat shall ever step foot in this house. They are our ultimate enemies. They are darkness incarnate in flexibility. I met one on the streets... it was yellow. It was completely deranged. It stared at you, and you could feel it stealing your soul through your eyes.
LUNA: (Surprised) Does a soul taste like kibble?
CHARLES: (Grabbing his head, desperate from the imaginary noise of barking, trouser-tugging, and intense leaf-rustling) Enough! Please! Silence! Why is there so much noise in this house all of a sudden? It’s impossible to review the classics with this migraine! I’m leaving!
(Charles grabs his briefcase and practically flees. He slams the door behind him).
BRAZILWOOD: He fled. My Tyrannosaurus fury surely terrified him.
PEACE LILY: He fled because he’s a coward. But I’ll tell you this... two-thousand-year-old cats do not forgive. And if he learned the dark arts with Theocritus, he could be anywhere. He could be that stain on the wall.
(Everyone stares at the wall suspiciously. Luna, with wide eyes, tiptoes to the front door and sits in front of it, pressing her nose against the wood).
BONNIE: What are you doing over there, Luna?
LUNA: (Without looking away from the door, wagging her tail slowly) I’m waiting for the deranged yellow cat. Or the magic two-thousand-three-hundred-year-old cat. He’s coming. I know it. And I’m going to bite his ear.
SCENE III: THE CHLOROPHYLL ARISTOCRACY
(The light fades on Luna and illuminates the plant area).
BRAZILWOOD: (Stepping forward, adopting a heroic pose) I understand the cosmos. Because we, before being wood, were... solidified light. Yes. And before that, dinosaurs. I feel a Tyrannosaurus Rex coursing through my sap. I am imposing!
VIOLETS: (In unison, rubbing their arms) Oh, it’s so cold! How vulgar!
VIOLET 1: We come from exotic lineages.
VIOLET 2: We demand an exact ambient humidity of sixty-four percent.
VIOLET 3: And this peasant we have for an owner gave us tap water yesterday. Tap water! I nearly fainted.
BRAZILWOOD: (Ignoring them) A Tyrannosaurus, I swear. Sometimes, at night, I get the urge to bite the sofa.
SCENE IV: BOTANICAL ROMANCE AND CANINE CONFUSIONS
(The lighting shifts to a dreamy teal green. A seductive saxophone plays, occasionally playing a comedic sour note. Bonnie sleeps peacefully. Luna chews on an invisible toy in a corner).
BRAZILWOOD: (Smoothing his imaginary leaves, striking a soap-opera heartthrob pose, and leaning dangerously toward the Violets, almost losing his balance). Say, ladies... I’ve been noticing how the evening light highlights that purple tone in your petals. It’s... intoxicating.
VIOLETS: (In unison, fanning themselves, feigning disinterest but clearly flattered) Oh, please! How bold!
VIOLET 1: Though I must admit you have a very firm trunk.
VIOLET 2: And a height that commands respect.
VIOLET 3: (Sighing) Quite different from those plebeian cacti in the hallway.
BRAZILWOOD: (Feeling triumphant, dropping his voice to a deep, seductive tone) How about one of these days we push our pots together? Share a little substrate, entangle a couple of roots... I invite you to my corner by the bookshelf. But mind you... (raises a finger warningly) if you accept, absolutely no showering.
VIOLETS: (They freeze. The saxophone makes a horrible screech and stops) What?!
BRAZILWOOD: You heard me. Zero water. Zero watering cans. Excess moisture rots my roots and ruins the romance. I like my love all-natural, dry, with the scent of arid soil and Jurassic musk. Zero showers!
VIOLETS: (Recoiling in horror, crossing themselves botanically)
VIOLET 1: Gross!
VIOLET 2: Disgusting! A savage!
VIOLET 3: We demand purified mist! Step back, you sawdust caveman!
(The Violets turn their backs on him, indignant. The Brazilwood shrugs, offended, and returns to his stiff pose).
LUNA: (Having watched everything with her head tilting side to side like watching a tennis match, she jumps up). Woof! Let’s see, let’s see, let’s see... (Scratches her ear frantically with her hind leg). What does all this mean? The tall tree wants a girlfriend but doesn't want to bathe. The purple flowers scream gross. Bonnie talks about the universe and Charles is afraid of the neighbors.
(Luna marches to the center of the stage, very determined, looking toward the door where Charles left).
LUNA: I do not understand the grown-up world! There are too many rules! The water, the two-thousand-year-old cats, the rawhide chews! You know what? When the Mister Chicken-Giver comes back, I’m going with him. Yes! I want to go to that university! I’m going to sit in a human chair and I’m going to learn things! I’ll learn to add up kibbles and understand why love is gross if you don't take a bath! I have spoken!
(Luna sits down firmly, crossing her arms, very dignified. Bonnie opens one eye, looks at her tenderly, and goes back to sleep).
SCENE V: ORCHID'S TRUTH
(Charles enters, carrying grocery bags and small sacks of soil. The dogs wake up but stay lying down, watching).
CHARLES: (Talking to himself, pouring imaginary soil into pots) Violets are a headache, truly. But you... (Approaches the Orchid, who has been standing still as an ice statue). You are impossible. Crystal Orchid. You need pine bark, peat moss, and I practically have to sing to you in Aramaic so your buds don't drop. So difficult...
ORCHID: (Steps forward, imposing, looking down at Charles. Her voice is icy and perfect) Us, difficult? The one who needs a bit of everything given to him is you, clumsy caretaker.
(Charles keeps working, oblivious that he is being spoken to, but the Orchid speaks directly to his soul).
ORCHID: You are a sack of water and loneliness. Look at you. Thirty-five years old and you are fossilized. You see no one. You flee from your own species. You are going to dry up in here, you will wither before any of us do, and not even your annoying dogs will know what to do with your dust.
LUNA: (Jumps up and barks furiously at the Orchid) Woof! Don’t talk to the Mister Chicken-Giver like that! Woof, woof!
ORCHID: (With a simple wave of her hand) Silence, hyperactive, defective flea!
PEACE LILY: (Strikes the floor with her fan) Silence in the room! You are stressing me out and my leaves are bending!
BRAZILWOOD: (Clapping foolishly) Bravo! What drama! What botanical intensity!
CHARLES: (Feeling the chaos even if he doesn't hear the exact words, grabs his head) It’s so noisy in this house today! Let’s go outside, dogs, hurry!
SCENE VI: BELLY PHILOSOPHY AND JEALOUSY
(Back in the apartment. The lighting is intimate. Charles is sitting on the floor. Bonnie is by his side. Charles rubs her "belly" [rubs the actress's shoulder]).
CHARLES: You know, Bonnie... I’ve been thinking. (Bonnie looks at him deeply). The meaning of life, the real one, isn't about transcending. It’s not about writing the great book or having children. The meaning of life is simply... contemplation. Being here. Being the silent witness to time.
BONNIE: (Lifts her head to the ceiling and lets out a melancholic, beautiful howl, agreeing with him).
CHARLES: (Smiling, enlightened) Exactly! You understand me. I knew you would understand. Such a wise little dog...
(Luna enters skidding, bumps Bonnie with her hip, and wedges herself into Charles’s arms).
LUNA: (Jealous) I contemplate too! I contemplate the flies! Rub my belly! Tell me I’m wise! Wise and caramel-colored!
VIOLETS: Oh, please, what a shameful spectacle!
PEACE LILY: Utter lack of class!
BRAZILWOOD: I want my leaves rubbed!
CHARLES: (Overwhelmed by the dogs' energy and the plants' "vibes") Okay, okay, enough. Enough cheap philosophy for one day! Everyone to sleep.
SCENE VII: UPSTAIRS (AND THE GREAT LOOP)
(The lights dim to almost pitch black. Only a midnight blue hue remains. Suddenly, a dry, heavy, and OBVIOUS noise comes from the upper floor. The servant's quarters).
(All the plants tense up. Bonnie and Luna stand up instantly, growling at the ceiling).
CHARLES: (Trembling, but this time with a different look in his eyes, a look of exhaustion) That’s it. I’m tired. I’m tired of being afraid. Of being alone and being afraid.
(Charles grabs his umbrella. He walks toward the imaginary stairs. Bonnie and Luna walk glued to his legs, in protector mode. They climb slowly, to the rhythm of surreal music, like a broken music box).
CHARLES: (Reaching the top, he looks toward a bright spot the audience cannot see. He lowers the umbrella. His face relaxes completely. He smiles). Ah... it’s you.
(The bright light illuminates Charles's face).
CHARLES: It’s been so long. Come in.
BONNIE: (A soft howl of farewell and understanding)
LUNA: (Unafraid, curious) Woof?
(Charles, Bonnie, and Luna take a step toward the light. A flash envelops them and, in a blink of darkness, they VANISH from the stage).
(The light returns to the apartment. The blue hue remains. The plants are alone. The silence is thick).
VIOLET 1: Did you see that?
VIOLET 2: He disappeared.
PEACE LILY: They took him. They took all three of them. I knew that servant's door was a portal. I told a fern back in 1998.
BRAZILWOOD: But... what will become of us now? He didn't water me!
ORCHID: (With melancholy) Who will come to pay attention to us? Who will tell me I am difficult?
VIOLET 3: We are going to dry out! I demand a lawyer!
(Suddenly, the deadbolt on the front door clicks. The plants freeze, expectant, stretching their necks/leaves toward the entrance).
(The knob turns slowly. The door swings open with immense energy. Enter the NEW TENANT [Charles Reloaded]. He walks completely upright, chest out, stepping firmly. He wears neon-colored athletic gear, skin-tight, and carries a gym bag on his shoulder. He radiates hyperactive energy).
CHARLES RELOADED: (Dropping the bag, looking around with hands on his hips) Wow! What is all this! Why are there so many little plants in here? It looks like the Amazon jungle! Let’s see where I can put my protein shake with all these branches...
(The plants look at each other, bewildered by this burst of energy. The Peace Lily is just about to open her fan to complain, when...)
(A soft but powerful electric hum is heard from the stairs. Charles Reloaded turns around. BONNIE and LUNA descend majestically. They no longer walk like dogs. They walk fully upright, owning the place. Bonnie adjusts her grey coat. Luna is chewing gum [or pretending to]).
CHARLES RELOADED: (Taking a step back, frightened) Oh, man! And who are you? The lease didn't say anything about... roommates.
BONNIE: (Stops in front of him, looks him up and down with severity, and speaks with perfect, cold, authoritative human diction) Listen to me. You are going to behave yourself.
CHARLES RELOADED: (Jaw dropping) You talk?
LUNA: (Stepping up to him, tapping his knee) Of course we talk, muscle-boy! And tone down your delusions of grandeur.
BONNIE: (Taking a step forward, slightly cornering Charles Reloaded toward the plants) Listen to me very carefully. I don't know who you think you are with that attitude, but I’m going to make this very clear: this house belongs to the plants. We are merely the executive supervision.
CHARLES RELOADED: (Trembling, looking at the plants, who are now smiling maliciously) To... to the plants?
BONNIE: Exactly. So get to work. What are you, a gym trainer, judging by the little outfit?
CHARLES RELOADED: Um... yes, I teach crossfit...
BONNIE: Well, get to work, Mr. Crossfit. Because that Peace Lily is three hundred and fifty years old and she isn't going to water herself. Move!
LUNA: And then serve me chicken! With kibble! But make it fast, I’m getting bored! Woof! (The "woof" sounds wildly sarcastic, very human).
(Charles Reloaded, terrified and confused, nods frantically. He grabs an imaginary watering can and sprints toward the Brazilwood, shaking).
BRAZILWOOD: (In a low voice, only for the Violets to hear) I like this new guy. He looks like he actually fears Tyrannosauruses.
(Bonnie and Luna cross their arms in the center of the stage, smiling triumphantly at the audience while Charles Reloaded runs frantically from side to side watering the pots).
(The music shifts to a fast, joyful mambo).
(Sudden blackout).
END.
No hay comentarios:
Publicar un comentario