(Absurdist Farce / Dystopian Satire).
(THE BAR
OF OBLIVION)
(Absurdist Farce / Dystopian Satire).
By GAVARRE BENJAMIN
© INDAUTOR
Cd. De México
BENJAMÍN GAVARRE SILVA
Contact: bengavarre@gmail.com
gavarreunam@gmail.com
Synopsis
In a world where Mondays are canceled due to budget cuts and Africa has been rebranded as "America 2," the Bar of Oblivion becomes the final refuge for the elite and the decayed. Amidst shots of radioactive chocolate and news of an imminent apocalypse, a glitchy robot bartender begins to leak the tax secrets of the world’s masters. While the "Puppeteer" attempts to restart reality with a remote control, Bob—the eternal customer—cynically watches as tragedy is transformed into a TikTok dance. A biting farce about misinformation, power, and the loss of collective memory.
TITLE: PANGEA 2.0 (THE BAR OF OBLIVION)
Characters
- Z-40: A robot bartender (actor with robotic movements). He cleans glasses or the counter and sweeps the same spot over and over. He is always kind and positive, always proposing something innovative or productive. He never says no.
- Bob: The eternal customer. He drinks something intense blue or radioactive green. He is the play’s "Greek Chorus." Fast, cynical, with a wordplay-filled verbiage (sexual or political). Sometimes charming, sometimes hateful. You love to hate him.
- Donny (The Optimist): Thinks he’s very important, but there’s someone more important than him.
- THE PUPPETEER (Bruce): The big boss with total power.
- Monabeli (Playmate): The most desired and the smartest of them all.
- The King of Pop: Didn’t die; stayed alive on his private island. He rarely goes out.
SCENE: A minimalist bar. A screen in the background shows delusional news. Z-40 sweeps obsessively to the rhythm of a wordless tango. BOB drinks a radioactive blue liquid through an absurdly long, tangled straw that wraps around his body three times before reaching the glass.
(On screen: "STARTING TUESDAY, MONDAYS ARE CANCELED.")
BOB: (Sarcastic) "Cancel Mondays?"... If you cancel Mondays, you take away the poor man's only excuse to hate his existence. Brilliant! Z-40! Get me a tequila with sangrita.
Z-40: Chocolate? (He serves the tequila with a movement so rigid that the glass hits the bar with a thunderous crash, making Bob jump in his seat).
(Enter the PLAYMATE, blonde, exuberant. She is chewing gum loudly.)
MONABELI: I never, ever do anything on Mondays... If they cancel them, it’ll be a relief... That way I’ll have time to wash my clothes and I won’t have to remember my dog Bob, who died on a Monday I no longer want to remember. (She blows a giant bubble that covers her entire face; she peels it off with one finger and sticks it under the bar).
BOB: Hey, princess, my name is Bob. You can’t name your dog Bob...
MONABELI: Talking to me costs a hundred dollars a minute... so far you owe me 5.3 seconds... do the math.
Z-40: (Sweeping Monabeli’s feet so vigorously she has to hop as if playing jump rope) You owe her three dollars and fifty cents. Warning: I am an AI and I may glitch; sometimes I mistake love for a bank transaction.
BOB: Holy scams, my Dolly Parton... Let’s see if you can even charge me. It’s a deal I never signed... in fact, I can sue you for unsolicited pre-emptive billing fraud...
(MONABELI shoots him with a circus pistol: a flag pops out saying "BANG!". BOB falls dramatically, stays stiff for a second, and then pops up like a spring, laughing hysterically. The three laugh maniacally.)
(Enter DONNY (The Optimist) wearing a large hat that says: "MAKE PANGEA GREAT AGAIN." He tries to sit impressively on a swivel stool, but the stool begins to spin slowly as he speaks.)
DONNY: Make way for progress! I bought the bar. I bought the building. So this bar is mine, that robot is mine, and you, recurring customer, are probably part of the inventory. (The hat falls over his eyes; he continues speaking blindly while gesturing).
BOB: Careful, Donny. I am only part of myself. I spread the virus of misinformation and I am immune to logic.
DONNY: (Pushes his hat up with a slap) You have a CNN face and your mother is a cow. Fired! Z-40, get me something that tastes like the freedom to invade. Did you see the news? "America 2" (formerly Africa). It’s beautiful!
Z-40: (Serves him a glass of orange liquid) Chocolate, Donny? We have malted milk chocolate, morning milk, caterpillar milk...
DONNY: (Still spinning on the stool, now with his back to the audience) Don't go on... Z-40, better get me a glass of "Distilled Immigrant Blood." I assume you saw the news... I changed Africa’s name: now it’s called "America 2"... it’ll have the best golf courses. No immigrants and no animals; we’ll use the animals to feed the population. We’ll melt Antarctica to cool the desert. I’ll grow many beautiful, lovely potatoes to sell to Macduffin. It’ll be a great business, oh, very good. It’s a beautiful plan!
(On screen: "THE PRESIDENT CHANGES THE NAME OF AFRICA TO AMERICA 2")
BOB: Look at that! The Congo will now be called "Little Texas." The world is becoming a theme park of bad taste.
(Enter the KING OF POP, whispering, wearing a mask and skin as white as milk. He leans on the bar and leaves a perfect white handprint on the black surface.)
KING OF POP: Hee-hee... There’s nothing better than faking your own death. I recommend it, Donny. No one talks about me anymore... they don't even remember my charitable acts. (He has a robotic spasm: he does an involuntary moonwalk backward and crashes into Donny).
Z-40: (Obsessively sweeping the trail of white powder left by the King of Pop) Charitable? We have goat milk, almond milk, and powdered milk combined with powdered water.
KING OF POP: Give me a black Coke. Black is the new white... or vice versa. I protest the genocide of animals in my ancestral land, even though I am now total white.
BOB: Michael, you’re so white now I feel like painting Dalmatian spots on you.
KING OF POP: (Suffers intermittent hiccups) Don't you dare.
DONNY: (His stool stops suddenly, nearly throwing him face-first) Michael, you’re late. I already signed the decree with my fantastic and beautiful signature. You don't have ancestors; you have copyrights. And if you like animals so much, we’ll identify you as a "titi monkey" and sell you by the piece.
KING OF POP: I may be a titi monkey, but you will be remembered for all the deaths you’ve caused; even those who supported you will end up hating you.
BOB: Wow! We woke up feisty... Z-40, serve them some linden tea.
Z-40: (Hands the King of Pop a glass of black liquid so full that he has to drink it while balancing like a tower of plates). Here is your black Coke, cold... we also have chocolate, if you like, dark, or with milk... We have goat milk, bubble milk, solid milk...
KING OF POP: Ah, I see... Cheese. Give me cheese.
Z-40: Right away, King of Pop, here it is: chocolate milk.
(On screen: "THE TRUE OWNER OF THE WORLD MARRIES A CURVACEOUS PLAYMATE.")
(Enter BRUCE, THE PUPPETEER, arm in arm with MONABELI. Bruce pulls out a small remote control and, pressing a button, Z-40 and Donny perform the same military salute in unison.)
DONNY: Bruce! You came out of your secret hole. I see you married Monabeli thanks to your friend Telon Mus.
PUPPETEER: That Telon Mus is jealous of me because his money isn’t enough to have all the power I have. I’ve been behaving and I’ve stopped causing world conflicts thanks to my Mona’s caresses. (He touches the King of Pop’s shoulder and his hand gets stained white; he wipes the dust off on Donny's jacket).
BOB: I thought you were going to say "thanks to my Mona's massive backside."
PUPPETEER: Careful, recurring customer. I’ve sent deadly drones for less than that.
BOB: Send me the drone, but I guarantee it’ll blow up in your face, you arrogant prick.
PUPPETEER: This guy is so stupid I actually like him.
(The screen says: "CHAOS HAS TAKEN OVER THE PLANET NOW THAT THE PUPPETEER HAS LEFT THE STRINGS OF POWER IN THE HANDS OF THE WORLD'S THREE BIG BILLIONAIRES, WHO HATE EACH OTHER, BY THE WAY.")
(Z-40 starts to glitch. His sweeping arm moves at fan speed, kicking up a cloud of fictitious dust.)
Z-40: Goat milk... Powdered water... Powdered water doesn't exist. Dust to dust you shall return... System error! Loading Bar Service: Tax Specialties.
PUPPETEER: Z-40, make me a dry margarita.
Z-40: (Ignoring him) We have "Cayman Islands Margarita." Or margarita with lemon FULL OF shell companies!
BOB: Oof! Bruce, looks like the robot wants to tell you something.
Z-40: Margarita with the blood of "America 2" miners and arms contracts sold to supposed enemies.
DONNY: Turn off that communist toaster! My miners aren't black.
BOB: Nobody said that, Donny. You just outed yourself.
Z-40: Margarita on the rocks with a Panama hat, a total tax haven for billionaire evaders. Bip Bip... We also have "No-Tail" Margarita, British Virgin Islands style, the new Switzerland, served in a teacup.
MONABELI: (Confused) I just want a margarita cocktail with chamoy and hot sauce, but not the slave kind.
PUPPETEER: (Presses the remote control obsessively, but only manages to make the King of Pop start spinning like a top). Security code: Turn off that robot, total reset!
Z-40: (Recovering his kind tone, with an eye tic) Bep, beeeep... I... am Z-40 at your service... Who wants chocolate? We have chocolate with goat milk, or sea milk, or powdered milk... Or sour, sour, sour milk... Bip, bip... Error... Error...
(Z-40 drops a glass that shatters into pieces. The sound loops through the speakers: CRA-CRA-CRASH!)
BOB: This bartender isn't getting a tip, but I loved it... Now I’m craving a michelada with lots of lime.
(The screen screams: "PROTESTS ALL OVER THE WORLD, DRUG CARTELS WANT TO TAKE POWER, AND PUTIN SENT SUBMARINES TO HAVANA.")
PUPPETEER: This doesn’t sound good. I leave power for a few hours and look what happens... I’ll have to cause an earthquake or two to distract them. (He trips over Z-40’s broom and falls into Donny's arms in a ridiculous tango pose).
DONNY: This is all a campaign to smear me. It's an Obama plot.
PUPPETEER: You discredited yourself, Donald. There is no plot. At least not against you.
Z-40: It is said that Eslavia, Aqueron, Travis, Sinus, and Cosinus have been devoured by giant waves. Anyone want chocolate? Climate change doesn’t forgive!
BOB: My dear Z... you’re rambling too much now.
MONABELI: We should unplug him.
(On screen: "CHAOS GRIPS THE PLANET. THE PUPPETEER HAS LEFT POWER. THE RUSSIANS INVADE FLORIDA")
MONABELI: My god... I told you, sweetheart. If you don't pull the strings, the world becomes chaos. The Horsemen of the Apocalypse are coming: War, Famine, Injustice and... and...
BOB: (Sucking loudly through his infinite straw-sorbet-pipe) You’re missing "Total Indifference," queen. That’s the worst horseman. Does your mother live in Florida?
Z-40: (Struggling with his circuits, he begins to hand out empty cups at top speed, hitting the table like a casino dealer) Chocolate for everyone! A cloud of very "X" misinformation is approaching. The outside world has collapsed. Everything went to hell. Do you want a hot chocolate?!
(TOTAL DARKNESS. Only the KING OF POP is heard singing "We are the world" in a gloomy tone while snapping his fingers. The screen glows.)
SCREEN: "IT'S THE END! ALL GAS STATIONS AND BURGER JOINTS HAVE BLOWN UP. EXCEPT IN CUBA, BECAUSE THERE’S ONLY SUGAR THERE."
BOB (In the shadows): Was that screen trying to make a joke?
DONNY: Smells like a Telon Mus joke... he probably hacked the system.
PUPPETEER: This wasn’t in my script. I’ll send the Tramadol Beta virus and change the magnetic axis... Minor distractions aren’t enough to calm the planet anymore...
MONABELI: Or you could just restart the system.
PUPPETEER: Or I could just restart the system. You’re my salvation, Mona... (Vigorous) Z-40... send this message to the center of gravity!... Restart, all settings to initial state! Apply total pacification patch! Urgent!!
(An android voice is heard off-stage; everyone is surprised by the power of the voice): RESTART EVERYTHING! APPLY TOTAL PACIFICATION PATCH!
(Tension music. Strobe lights. All characters on stage—except BOB—begin to vibrate violently, imitating Z-40’s glitch. It is a collective spasm that looks like an epileptic dance.)
(Sudden silence. White, cold, pure light.)
DONNY: I insist it’s a plot against me... I could already feel it... those Europeans don't like me at all... They are very mean, very... mh... mmh... I don't know why I... can't, my memory is failing and my speech bla, bla, bla...
BOB: (He doesn't flinch. He looks at his empty glass.) Wow, I should be drinking whisky and what am I drinking... Chocolate milk... Thanks, Z-40.
(Suddenly, a deafening roar. Lights flash red. An alarm says: "TOTAL SYSTEM COLLAPSE REALITY 4.0". The customers get up and walk in circles, some embrace... BOB is the only one who doesn't react and remains unflappable in his seat.)
PAUSE.
Z-40: (Melodious and triumphant voice) Dear users: update complete. The "Artificial Peace" patch has been installed. The world is normal again. The "Teta Max" generation has contributed to the restoration of the universe. All the continents joined into one giant land and are now called Pangea 2.0. The billionaires will donate their fortunes (so to speak) to their children... and the Puppeteer still shows no signs of life, but some say he is behind this urgent repair.
(The light returns.)
BOB: Bartender, give me a tequila...
Z-40: (His head falls to one side, hanging by a wire) Chocolate for everyone, with milk... we have goat milk... Oh, I'm disconnecting... It’s been a pleasure... (He stays stiff with one hand raised).
BOB: Unbelievable... What kind of service! I’ll have to serve myself... (He jumps over the bar with surprising agility and starts pouring. Donny tries to speak but only makes animal sounds). Wow... I actually like this whisky... Donny, did you get your speech back?
DONNY: (Babbling) ... I identify as a polar bear... I want to buy Antarctica. (He gets on all fours and starts sniffing the King of Pop’s white powder trail).
PUPPETEER: (Pours himself a whisky with elegance, ignoring the Donny-Bear) See? It was a masterful plan. Change everything so that nothing changes. I identify as a Leopard... I am the best puppeteer in the universe.
KING OF POP: Hey, do you want me to sing a song dedicated to world peace?
ALL: NO!
MONABELI: Let's sing something happy! The Biological Weapons Blues!
ALL: NO!
DONNY: Let's sing the White Bear Tango...
BOB: (From behind the bar, he starts marking a tango rhythm by hitting a bottle against the counter) The world was and will be a piece of junk, I know... In 506 and in the year 3000 too...
PUPPETEER: Don't sing, Bob. The world has always been a piece of junk, but it always restarts...
Z-40: Restart, activate... Year 3022... of the Era of Bob... Who wants a black Coke...
MONABELI: Of the Era of Bob, Robot?
Z-40: (He lights up for a second, his eyes spinning like patrol lights) Bob is our leader! He pulls the strings of the one who pulls the strings... Anyone want a Coke?
MONABELI: Bob? Our leader? I don't believe it. (She looks at Bob, who winks at her while taking a wad of bills from the AI’s drawer).
BOB: (Sings with a smile dancing on his lips) The world was and will be a piece of junk, I know... In 506 and in the year 3000 too... Sing with me...
(Everyone grabs each other's shoulders and starts dancing a tango. Donny dances like a bear, the King of Pop does Thriller steps, Monabeli dances perfectly to the rhythm, and the Puppeteer leads the line with his remote control.)
ALL: (Singing in chorus while the screen shows digital fireworks)
The world was and will be a piece of junk, I know
In five hundred and six and in the year three thousand too...
But the thirtieth century is a display
Of insolent evil that no one can deny
We’re rolling around in a meringue
And in the same mud, we’re all pawed over!
(Z-40 throws a stream of metallic confetti over the characters as they freeze in a "Musical Revue Finale" pose.)
TOTAL BLACKOUT.
Ficha Técnica / Technical Sheet
- Título / Title: PANGEA 2.0 (El Bar del Olvido / The Bar of Oblivion)
- Género / Genre: Farsa Absurda / Sátira Distópica (Absurdist Farce / Dystopian Satire).
- Duración estimada / Est. Duration: 75 minutos (Acto único).
- Reparto / Cast: * 6 Personajes (Z-40, Bob, Donny, Bruce el Titiritero, Monabeli, El Rey del Pop).
- Escenografía / Setting: Un bar minimalista y tecnológico. Una pantalla LED de fondo es indispensable para los mensajes del sistema.
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