Cosmic Farce Yacutûs
"Cosmic Farce Yacutûs" is a short, humorous sci-fi play that uses absurdity to explore very human themes. Through the autor’s invented language full of sonorous and amusing neologisms (such as Cambisû, Yacutûs, Bógodas, Titicul), the piece transports us to a distant future where emotional and bureaucratic problems remain painfully recognizable.
The play functions as a social satire. Beneath the coat of alien paint, we find two middle-aged individuals (Roko and Sumbrella) navigating universal life crises: divorce, being left for a younger partner, mortgages, and the feeling that time is running out. They seek rejuvenation under a star, but what they find is a genuine connection based on shared vulnerability.
The antagonist, Agent Gaztón, personifies absurd and corrupt bureaucracy. His demands for a simple procedure are ridiculous, highlighting how systems of power often hinder individual happiness.
The plot’s turning point is the inversion of power. Roko and Sumbrella do not defeat Gaztón with strength or superior technology, but with wit and a farce within a farce (the "hypnotic stare" and the fake call).
The second act reinforces the critique of imposed social rituals. Even sex (the "Bodriact" in the clinic) has become a bureaucratic and mechanical process, devoid of emotion. The couple's final decision to reject the "standard protocol" and opt for a simple, spontaneous adventure is a triumph of authenticity over rules. The ending, with Gaztón "heartbroken" for having been excluded from that real connection, adds a melancholic and human touch to the farce.
Félix Andonegui
UMSM
Cosmic Farce Yacutûs
by GAVARRE BENJAMIN
® Benjamín Gavarre Silva
Contacto: gavarreunam@gmail.com y benjamingavarre@filos.unam.mx
CHARACTERS:
·ROKO SUGS: A middle-phase Cambisû, with the air of an enthusiastic collector.
·SUMBRELLA: A Cambisû of a similar phase, elegant, with a touch of cosmic ennui.
·AGENT GAZTÓN: An official of the RAYOBACK, suited up, with a belly straining the buttons of his uniform.
ACT 1
(Setting: A Stellar Recovery Field on the planet GABOR. The environment glows under the pulsating light of the star TERAZû. In the center, there is a strange floating bench. ROKO SUGS is seated, polishing a metallic sphere with a cloth.)
(Enter SUMBRELLA, moving slowly. She looks toward the star with distrust and sits at the other end of the bench. ROKO stops polishing his object and observes her.)
ROKO: Excuse me... Do the rays of TERAZû bother you being so direct? Some find the accelerated rejuvenation irritating.
SUMBRELLA: (Startled) Oh, no... go ahead. Nothing irritates me anymore. I am here to get ten Terazû-cycles younger and forget my previous Episodi.
(ROKO puts away his object and takes out a small box.)
ROKO: A splendid afternoon for photosynthesis, isn't it?
SUMBRELLA: Yes... very regenerative.
(Silence. ROKO opens and closes his box nervously.)
ROKO: I come here often. I like the quiet. Escaping a bit from the hustle and bustle of the usual Bógodas: (Imitates the BOGODAS) "Agabagadede, Badadedede, cebogedede… beee". I’ve always thought the Badadedede… should be a little more Gaga, and a little less dede… I am sure of it.
SUMBRELLA: (Ignoring his comment) I don't usually come. Today I needed... to recalibrate my emotional sensors.
ROKO: A bad phase?
SUMBRELLA: Let's say... a catastrophic phase. My Dolmen ran off.
ROKO: I am so sorry! On his own two feet or was he abducted?
SUMBRELLA: Worse! He left with another Cambisû. After twenty cycles of stellar marriage. He said my tentacles no longer had the same... suction.
ROKO: What an outrage! I cannot imagine the complication of the situation.
SUMBRELLA: It is as if my entire vital orbit collapsed. The crater mortgage, the larvariums... everything!
ROKO: I understand perfectly. Sometimes the Cosmos tests us. May I be indiscreet? Perhaps talking helps. I am a stranger; my value judgments are in another galaxy.
SUMBRELLA: (Hesitates) It's just... it is something personal.
ROKO: Of course. I do not want to invade your space-time.
(Silence. SUMBRELLA sighs loudly.)
SUMBRELLA: And you? What brings you to such a desperate youth bath?
ROKO: (Smiles sadly) My Trábada... well, we are in bond disintegration proceedings. It was something we saw coming. But... it hurts. It hurts a lot. Especially because of the clones. The custody... is a bureaucratic black hole.
SUMBRELLA: I understand...
ROKO: But, you know what? Maybe it is an opportunity to discover something new. For us! To undertake new Episodis!
SUMBRELLA: (Smiles weakly) Too late to plot a new navigation route.
ROKO: It is never too late! Look!
(ROKO opens the box. Inside is a collection of small, iridescent spheres, his Trabagolis.)
ROKO: I collect Trabagolis. They are... echoes of encapsulated voyages. They are from when I was a little less Titicul… You see… I wanted to show them to you.
SUMBRELLA: Oh... they are precious. They hum with... melancholy. And you don't look very Titicul, truly.
ROKO: You neither, not at all; on the contrary, you look very Mono momo bamboo…
SUMBRELLA: How flattering… You made me turn green.
ROKO: That was not my intention. Ahem… Consider them a gift. As a symbol of... a new beginning.
(SUMBRELLA looks him in the eyes. The connection is palpable. Just at that moment, a shadow looms over them. Enter AGENT GAZTÓN with the arrogance of a civil servant.)
GAZTÓN: Aha. Two Cambisûs. Starting a new Episodi, eh? How moving. Your Yacutûs voucher, please.
ROKO: Yacutûs... voucher? I thought that was only requested during mating season...
GAZTÓN: Regulations have changed! (He pulls out a very long holographic scroll) To obtain it, the thing is simple. You would have to speak with your former Yeyebonis, request solid guidelines of emotional well-being verification from your... former Concuyebonis! And regurgitate the proofs of solid, soft, and soft-granular Yeyections.
ROKO: But most of them were one-night stands!
GAZTÓN: And to finish, cite one hundred witnesses and donors of gelatobiotis, spermis, and crotis to certify your reproductive stability.
ROKO: This is absurd! It would take us millennia!
GAZTÓN: (Approaching and lowering his voice) Buuut... there might be a solution. For a modest sum of Teratoris, I could... misplace your file.
SUMBRELLA: Are you asking us for a bribe?
GAZTÓN: It is an "accelerated administrative management fee"! In exchange, of course, for a small task of Yotak servitude at my house. I need someone to polish my meteorites and massage my third eye.
(The couple exchanges a conspiratorial look.)
SUMBRELLA: (With dangerous sweetness) Agent, your proposal is... indecent. But, what if we offer you something better? A preventive massage. A… Tukituki.
GAZTÓN: (Looks them up and down with disdain) I am sorry, but you are not my type. My tastes are... more gaseous.
ROKO: Just a sample-test! No strings attached! If you don't like it, we voluntarily surrender to Yotak slavery.
GAZTÓN: (Sits on the bench, vain) Very well, a sample. But make it quick.
(ROKO and SUMBRELLA do not touch him. They stand in front of him and simply stare at him with hypnotic intensity. GAZTÓN begins to feel uncomfortable.)
GAZTÓN: (To the audience, in an aside) What is happening? I feel a strange heat... That look! I feel my datakuls are overheating... (He fans himself) By all the comets, I am starting to blastume! What kind of sorcery is this?
(GAZTÓN begins to sweat green liquid, completely in a trance.)
ROKO: (Pulls out a communicator and pretends to speak, very alarmed) Yes, Mothershipbrand! I want to report a flagrant act of gutuciõn! A RAYOBACK officer is forcing us to stare at him until he blastumes!
(GAZTÓN snaps out of his trance, terrified.)
GAZTÓN: What are you doing?! Hang up! It was a joke! An integrity test!
SUMBRELLA: Oh, no! Gutuciõn is punishable by reassignment to a cleaning asteroid!
GAZTÓN: No, please! I'll give you whatever you want! Take this!
(He throws a precious metal disc at them, a Black Multiplak.)
GAZTÓN: A P42323 resolution and a top executive Plak! For this and all your future arrests! Now cancel that call!
ROKO: (To the communicator) Don't worry, Mothershipbrand... it was a false alarm. Over and out!
(ROKO puts away the communicator. AGENT GAZTÓN, humiliated and trembling, runs off stage. ROKO and SUMBRELLA burst into liberating laughter.)
SUMBRELLA: So... would you like to inaugurate this Multiplak somewhere?
ROKO: (Offers his arm) I would like that very much.
(They exit the stage together.)
ACT 2
(Setting: The interior of a "Tukitikukumi”. It is a luxurious and aseptic place. A screen announces: "Your Bodriact is Our Mission. No genomic returns allowed.")
(ROKO and SUMBRELLA enter.)
ROKO: Well, the Multiplak worked. Although I'm not sure an Accelerated Fusion Clinic was my ideal romantic getaway.
SUMBRELLA: It was this or listening to Agent Gaztón propose amendments to his slavery offer again.
(A robotic and seductive voice resonates in the room.)
VOICE OF THE TUKIMHO: Attention, specimens! The bio-coupling capsule has been purged! Apply the startup gels and proceed to the Bodriact! Peak Lubridicity is now!
ROKO: By the beard of a quasar! Did you hear that? We haven't even read the Bio-Coupling Manual and they are already demanding "Peak Lubridicity"! It's giving me a synaptic short circuit!
SUMBRELLA: (Smugly) It is standard protocol, ROKO.
ROKO: I can't relax! Couldn't we just truffle some mufas?
SUMBRELLA: (Scandalized) How vulgar! I do not intend to fry my precious neuroliendres! There is a method! (Reciting with pride) First, the sacred tuki tuki dance to initiate pheromonal resonance. Second, the classic tantrimano largui opposition until achieving genomic discharge... and done! It is the basic protocol of Copulative Phase 7! I don't understand what you find so complicated.
ROKO: Sumbrella... do we really want to do... all... that?
SUMBRELLA: (Sighs, defeated) No... The truth is, I got a cramp in a tentacle just describing it.
ROKO: What if... we send the Copulative Phase to outer space? What if we simply have an adventure, without generating radiospecies?
(A genuine smile illuminates SUMBRELLA's face. But just then... BAM! BAM! BAM! The door is pounded. Enter AGENT GAZTÓN, with the shining eyes of a convert.)
GAZTÓN: I FOUND YOU! Not as an agent, but as a devotee! That look! That test! It was my personal Big Bang!
ROKO: Agent, we are about to have an existential revelation, do not disturb.
GAZTÓN: My revelation came first! Forget the duo, the future is the Registered Official Trio! We can fill out Form 7-Trio right now! It is legal and fiscally responsible! I will let you keep the Multiplak only if you let me be with you one more time. Please!
(The couple looks at each other. They shake their heads in unison.)
ROKO: We are sorry, agent. Our... anomaly... has no room for a third annex.
(ROKO takes SUMBRELLA's hand and they walk toward the exit.)
GAZTÓN: (Screaming, desperate) IT'S NOT FAIR! INGRATES! I WILL REPORT YOU! That Plak is untraceable! You will regret this!
(The couple disappears. AGENT GAZTÓN is left alone. His shoulders slump. His fury evaporates.)
GAZTÓN: (To the audience, with a trembling sigh) Report them... What for? (Looks in the direction they left, with a strange tenderness) They gave me the best experience in my Cyanophase 24678-8... and they took with them all my electroJumps and all my proper Eyebanguis. That look... that anomaly... (Looks at the audience, moved and confused) Brothers, I think for the first time in my life... case 348976-2, which seemed routine, has broken my heart.
(He sighs again, a tragically enamored bureaucrat. He straightens his uniform, completely defeated, and walks slowly off stage.)
END
