Abracadabra... I Messed Up!
(Forbidden to turn the audience into toads)
By Gavarre B
📜 Abracadabra... I Messed Up!
What do a 1652 sorceress from Puebla and a 2026 pizza delivery guy have in common? Desire. This play is born from the dusty folios of the General Archive of the Nation (AGN). In the Inquisition records, we found Mónica de la Cruz, a woman who "distributed" destinies for a silver real. Today, that same energy is transmuted into Pablito, a ghost-man in the age of hyper-connectivity.
Through farce and enmeshment, we explore a universal truth: magic isn't a light trick; it's the danger of getting exactly what we ask for. As the real Mónica once told her judges: "Be careful what you wish for, because the devil doesn't always come with horns—sometimes he comes with hunger."
Synopsis
Pablito is a ghost in a helmet. He delivers pizzas, but no one looks him in the eye. Desperate to be "noticed," he visits a consultation that has been open for four centuries. The Witch, tired of modernity and its complaints, grants him a gift that turns into his worst nightmare.
From being a nobody, Pablito becomes the center of a gravitational attraction that breaks the laws of logic, facing ladies in rollers, poetic construction workers, and a horde of "talkers" who threaten to never let him sleep again.
Cast & Credits
- Pablito: The martyr of delivery.
- The Witch: A 17th-century professional with Wi-Fi.
- The Chorus: The thousand faces of desire (and harassment).
⚠️ Warnings for the Audience
- Do not attempt the spells from Scene 1 on your favorite dating app. We are not responsible for subway chases.
- If you feel the urge to talk, talk, and talk after the show, please consult your nearest witch.
- No refunds accepted for souls or cold pizzas.
"Society is what's wrong, I'll turn into an insect..."
— Pablito, moments before the collapse.
This work has been published for free and open dissemination, although all intellectual property rights are reserved. Public use of this work requires permission from the author and for permission contact bengavarre@gmail.com or gavarreunam@gmail.com (Reg. Prop. Int. Expte. Inbox)
Abracadabra... I Messed Up!
(Forbidden to turn the audience into toads)
By Gavarre B
® Benjamín Gavarre Silva
Contact: gavarreunam@gmail.com
CHARACTERS:
- PABLITO: Pizza Plus delivery guy. Wants a girlfriend, but no women pay attention to him.
- WITCH: A professional spellcaster, hundreds of years old.
- CHORUS OF WOMEN / CHORUS OF MEN: Actors playing various roles (Lady in rollers, Wealthy Executive, Workers, Subway Passengers).
PROLOGUE: The Threshold
(A lonely street. An old wooden door between two modern storefronts. There is a handwritten sign that reads: "VOTIVE CANDLES AVAILABLE. WE DRESS BABY JESUS FIGURES."
Pablito gets off his bicycle, still wearing his helmet and the Pizza Plus delivery backpack. He looks at his cell phone, dials a number, but no one answers.)
PABLITO: (Still wearing helmet and backpack, looking at GPS) Pirulitos Street number 33... There’s no doorbell. (Shouts) I came about the ad! I want a spiritual cleansing! Is anybody there?
(From a high window, a WICKER BASKET lowers. A woman with disheveled hair leans out.)
WITCH: Take the key! And stop shouting, you're scaring the spirits!
(Pablito takes the key and enters. Blackout.)
SCENE 1: The Consultation
(The interior is a magical and mysterious place; there is a fine wood desk and a laptop with a screensaver of a cat and a witch on her broom; on the floor there are branches of medicinal herbs and a smoking censer.)
WITCH: (Without looking at him) Are you here for a consultation or to deliver a pizza I didn't order?
PABLITO: (Anxious) I deliver food, but I receive nothing but complaints... I brought the backpack in because two have already been stolen from me. Things are going badly. Women ignore me. I'm like a ghost on a bicycle. I want to be loved, desired... noticed!
WITCH: A classic case of desperation. (She takes some branches of rue, rosemary, and eucalyptus). Undress. (Pablito freezes in terror). Fine, you're shy. Take off your shirt.
(Pablito remains in his undershirt. The Witch dances around him with the censer.)
WITCH: With rue I open your destiny, with eucalyptus women will chase you, and with rosemary... so they look at you like a trophy in a display case! Saint Martha, may they love him even if he's ugly; Saint Catherine, may they throw a lasso around him, but not hog-tie him! And so it shall be... It is done!
SCENE 2: Mechanism A (Attraction)
(Quick physical comedy frames.)
1. Apartment Building Door:
(Pablito rings a doorbell. A LADY IN ROLLERS comes out.)
PABLITO: Pizza Plus, can I have your code?
LADY: 7, 17, 177…
PABLITO: The code, to confirm your delivery...
LADY: 3, 6, 9, sixty-nine... Do you want me to give you my phone number too? I give good tips... 5, 56, 57, 59...
PABLITO: (Sweating) Here, take it... no code, no tip... have a nice tip, late, thank you.
LADY: (Lowers her blouse showing her shoulder) Don't you want a piece of cake?! I have hot chocolate!
PABLITO: I don't like sweets, thanks!
(Pablito flees. The woman rubs the pizza box against her chest with passion.)
2. The Park:
(Three women surround Pablito's bicycle as if it were an altar.)
WOMAN 1: You have a beautiful bicycle!...
WOMAN 2: Get on.
WOMAN 3: We want to see how you grab the handlebars...
PABLITO: I have to deliver... I would stay...
WOMAN 1: We'll pay you.
WOMAN 2: We'll take you away from working.
WOMAN 3: Just come with us! Don't go!
(Pablito leaves on his bike like a blur.)
3. Another Street:
(A romantic woman throws flowers at him. Two other women grab their breasts and blow him kisses... Pablito keeps pedaling, but his chain comes off and he stops to fix it. The women from the park arrive again.)
WOMAN 1: Destiny has reunited us.
WOMAN 2: We'll straighten your mirrors.
WOMAN 1: We'll fix your chain.
WOMAN 2: We'll carry you.
WOMAN 3: LOOK AT THOSE CALVES!
WOMAN 1: And what thighs...
(Pablito manages to fix his bike and tries to escape, but the women prevent him.)
WOMAN 2: We're not going to let you leave.
WOMAN 3: No, no, no...
PABLITO: You are treating me like men treat women, that is not right.
WOMAN 1: He's right.
WOMAN 2: It's true, we'll leave you alone.
WOMAN 3: But at least blow us a kiss, tell us your name, take us with youuuu!
4. Park:
(Pablito finds a bench in a park... He sits down and holds his face in his hands, he can't take it anymore.)
PABLITO: Darn it, darn it all... Before I felt ignored, mistreated or spat on and thrown over a cliff... Now I should feel super, but I feel cornered, chased, violated... Is there no middle ground???
(Rock music, then elevator music.)
5. The Subway (Physical Theatre):
(Three actors hold invisible handrails, swaying. Pablito is in the center.)
WOMAN 1: (Sighing) It's him... the one from the cover of Neo-Bubbles magazine. He's an Apollo!
WOMAN 2: He's a Formula 1 driver. I saw him on TikTok.
MAN 1: (With disgust) He's a fiasco. A poor lousy delivery guy.
MAN 2: He lives on the street. He disgusts me, but I also feel pity. Someone should give him soap.
WOMAN 3: He's a Christ figure! He's getting off! We must follow him!
PABLITO: (Desperate) Help! I'm getting off here!
SCENE 3: Frequency Adjustment
(Pablito enters the Witch's office. He is pale and disheveled.)
PABLITO: It's like a nightmare... They recite poems to me, throw flowers at me, touch me, take off my clothes... Next time they're going to eat me alive, swallow me whole, gulp me down, make me disappear... I am like the body of Christ they eat at mass.
WITCH: Don't blaspheme. You are the north of all compasses. You wanted it this way, now you are someone everyone notices and all, all women like you... Except me, I'm vaccinated.
PABLITO: Take the spell off me... Make me transparent again... instead of attention let everyone give me money!!!
WITCH: I don't know, that could turn out worse, you could die suffocated under the weight of a hundred thousand coins (Looks at her laptop). Everything has its ups and downs, I'll adjust the spell... I saved a tutorial around here, wait... Yes, this is it: how to solve an enchantment spell with desirous women... It has to be distributed...
PABLITO: Wouldn't that be "reverted"?
WITCH: Who is the witch here, you or me?
PABLITO: Do whatever it takes, but do it now.
SCENE 5 [sic]: Mechanism B (The Surprise)
(Pablito goes out into the street feeling light. He passes by some GIRLS.)
1. Gratuitous Hatred:
GIRL 1: What a twerp! He disgusts me.
GIRL 2: We should cover his face with a paper bag. He is an insult to humanity.
GIRL 3: He's a toxic male.
GIRL 1: How does he dare go out into the street!
PABLITO: (Happy) Thank you, God! "Finally they hate me," "I'm safe."
2. Twist of Fate:
(Pablito arrives at a traffic light. A group of WORKERS take off their hard hats when they see him.)
PABLITO: Those workers are staring at me... Why are they taking off their helmets?... Surely they're going to insult me, I'd better... And now they're blowing me kisses, and throwing flowers at me... And what does that gesture mean!
WORKER 1: What time do you go out for bread, daddy?
WORKER 2: Let me buy you an orange juice with egg... nice and frothy!
WORKER 3: I’ll buy it for you with two eggs... And if you want we can add a little banana.
(Pablito leaves slowly, embarrassed. All the workers take off their hard hats and look at him with solemn admiration, like someone watching a sunset.)
3. The Clockwork:
(An elegant executive gets out of a Mercedes. He walks towards PABLITO. He says nothing. He simply puts a hand on his shoulder and nods with a tear in his eye.)
EXECUTIVE: I'll get you an apartment, I'll take you to the Caribbean, I'll take you to my golf club, but look at me, look me in the eyes and tell me you love me.
PABLITO: (Terrified) Not again! Faster, Pablito, faster!
SCENE 6: Reverting the Spell Again
(Leaving the office for the third and final time. The WITCH looks out the window, but this time she looks rushed, packing strange objects into a wooden trunk.)
WITCH: And listen well, Pablito! This is the last time I'm attending to you, I already have the carriage for the seventeenth century at the door and I don't intend to miss the trip because of your indecision.
PABLITO: (From the street, backpack on his shoulder) Just make sure it's right this time, boss. I can't take another catcall.
WITCH: Remember, this time it's up to you to do your part. You will no longer have sexual or sensual appeal, nor will anyone harass you on the street. No one will want you as a boyfriend, nor as a lover, nor as a friend with benefits... but yes: you will be the center of attention. Everyone will set their eyes on you, without this meaning any physical contact or...
PABLITO: (Interrupting, relieved) Yes, yes, I understand. They won't harass me, or bother me, or disturb me anymore. But they will pay attention to me, I won't be transparent anymore. Finally a civilized social life.
WITCH: That's right. Everyone will want to talk to you, everyone is going to want to communicate with you... it's going to be a festival of words.
PABLITO: (With a hopeful smile) Thank you, Mrs. Witch. Really, safe travels.
WITCH: Don't thank me, I'm going to my century, which is much quieter, and where nobody wants me to distribute the spell to them.
PABLITO: Revert, you mean.
WITCH: (Indignant, leaning further out the window) Ahhh! I told you I'm the witch, dummy!
(The WITCH throws a handful of magic powders that envelop Pablito in a cloud of garish colors. A thunderclap is heard and she disappears from the window in a jump. The sign saying "Votive candles available" falls to the ground.)
SCENE 7: Be careful what you wish for because… you know.
(On a park bench. PABLITO is sitting alone, enjoying a silence he believes is definitive. He sighs deeply. Suddenly, WOMAN 1 enters from the right and sits next to him without asking permission.)
WOMAN 1: You look so lonely, young man! And you do well to be alone, because solitude is the mother of prudence, although others say it is the refuge of minds that are wicked.
(WOMAN 2 enters from the left, plants herself in front of them.)
WOMAN 2: Wicked you said, and you said it very well! Because wicked are ogres, Medusa, Cerberus and that character with horns and a tail that everyone calls the devil.
(MAN 1 enters jogging, stops next to the bench.)
MAN 1: Devil you said, and you said it very well! Because the devil is the one who gets into the body and then doesn't want to leave, and for that you have to find a sacred remedy, and call a priest.
(MAN 2 enters, carrying a newspaper, joins the group closing the circle around Pablito.)
MAN 2: Priest you said, and you said it very well! Because father is the provider, and the father of science is Copernicus, or perhaps Newton who was confined to a chair but wouldn't stop talking.
ALL: (In unison, rhythmically) Talking you said, and you said it very well! Because talking is talking for the sake of talking, "The Talkers" is a great play, and we are not going to stop talking, talking, talking, talking!
PABLITO: (Jumping off the bench, covering his ears) ENOUGH! It didn't work! I'll lock myself in a cave! Society is what's wrong! I'll turn into an insect! I'm going to sleep, I'm going to sleep, I'm going to sleep!
SCENE 8: The Awakening (Finale)
(Lighting change: warm yellow, sunny morning. The noise of the chatter disappears completely. PABLITO is lying on the park bench, using his orange Pizza Plus backpack as a pillow. He stretches with infinite pleasure.)
PABLITO: (Opening his eyes slowly) It's daylight... and I'm still here, on this public wooden bed. The good thing is it's Sunday. How good it is to rest without having nightmares, or visions, or witches who "distribute" things. (He adjusts onto his side). I think I'll count sheep to see if I can go back to sleep for a while. It's only fair. One sheep... two sheep... three sheep...
(Brief pause. Pablito frowns.)
PABLITO: ...talking.
(He freezes. He looks at the ceiling (sky). He touches his tongue.)
PABLITO: Why did I say "talking"? No matter. It was a reflex. Let's continue. Four sheep... five sheep... talking.
(He sits up on the bench, terrified. The silence of the park begins to fill with a recorded whisper coming from everywhere: "Talking... talking... talking...")
PABLITO: (With a broken voice) Six... talking. Seven... talking. Eight... TALKING!
(Pablito stands up, looking at the audience with wild eyes. He tries to shut up by covering his mouth with his hands, but the word escapes between his fingers.)
PABLITO: Talking! Talking! TALKING! TALKING!
(The chorus of voices of the entire cast joins in a rhythmic crescendo. Pablito begins to walk in circles while the word becomes a heartbeat.)
PABLITO AND CAST: TALKING! TALKING! TALKING! TALKING!
(SUDDEN BLACKOUT WHILE THE SHOUTING CONTINUES IN THE DARKNESS.)
END
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