THE RESCUE IS CANCELED: PRINCES AND DRAGONS IN DISTRESS!

THE RESCUE IS CANCELED

Princes and Dragons in Distress!

de benjamin gavarre

® BENJAMIN GAVARRE SILVA

benjavarre@gmail.com

Reparto:

CAST OF CHARACTERS:

• PRINCE PHILIP (Kingdom of Lemos): The textbook knight. He speaks poetically, strikes heroic poses constantly, and firmly believes in traditional fairy tale rules.
• PRINCESS TIFFANY (Kingdom of Pratzia): The professional damsel... at first. Dramatic, expert in aesthetic fainting, but with a very short patience limit that will break the mold.
• BRAD THE BULLY: The typical neighborhood tough guy who thinks everything is solved with fists. He hides a big need for attention and approval.
• PRINCE CHAD (The Dragon/Influencer): Under the huge plush monster suit hides a prince punished for his extreme vanity. He lives trapped in the search for followers and engagement.
• MERLIN THE PIXIE: The engine of chaos and sanity. He is the only one who knows what is really happening and is in charge of applying "psychological therapy" at the end.
• KING BARNABY: The King of Pratzia. Obsessed with banquets, old protocols, and things being done "the way they’ve always been done."

Act 1: The Presentation of the Myth

EXT. IN FRONT OF THE CLOSED CURTAIN - DAYDreadful electronic roars and the sound of dragging chains are heard. MERLIN THE PIXIE steps out from between the curtains with a giant book under his arm and a bored expression. He looks at the audience.

Merlin

(To the audience) Once upon a time... Oh, please, what a boring start! Look, let me give you some context. We are in the Kingdom of Pratzia. People here are completely obsessed with traditions. If the manual says to be terrified, they get terrified. And right now, there is total panic because rumor has it a massive dragon is coming to devour Princess Tiffany at exactly five o'clock this afternoon. Want to see the monster? Check this out...

Merlin makes a gesture with his hands. The huge plush head of the DRAGON peeks out from the curtain. It lets out a clumsy, exaggerated roar, but a sign hangs from its neck that reads: "Free Buffet Today".

Dragon

ROAAAR! I have a fierce hunger! Smells like a theater audience! I'm going to carry you all away in a giant container for dinner if you don't hand over the princess! Hey, seriously, someone tell me where the palace is because my stomach is growling! ROAAAR!

The Dragon clumsily hides back, bumping its head against the stage frame. Merlin smiles.

Merlin

See? Everyone is horrified. But just like in every old tale, in the presence of a great monster, the... "heroes" always show up. Behold the level of competition.

The curtain opens. We are in the town square. KING BARNABY enters, a fat and pompous man, wiping his tears with a giant silk handkerchief. Next to him, PRINCESS TIFFANY poses dramatically, holding her forehead as if she's about to faint at any moment.

King Barnaby

Oh, what a traditional tragedy! The clock is ticking, it's almost five in the afternoon, and the beast will come for my beautiful daughter. Listen up, everyone, citizens of Pratzia and neighboring lands: I offer my daughter's hand in marriage and half my wealth to the most macho, strong, and brave knight who brings me the head of that overgrown lizard!

Princess Tiffany

(In a tragic, theatrical voice) Oh, wretched me! Who will be the gallant knight to risk his life for this humble, defenseless damsel? I hope he's tall, has blue eyes, and that his shield matches my gala slippers. Oh, I'm swooning!

Tiffany slowly lets herself fall onto a cushion that a servant quickly places beneath her. PRINCE PHILIP enters the stage doing acrobatic flips. He stops dead center, draws his toy sword, and adopts a Greek statue pose, gazing into the horizon.

Philip

Fear not, noble monarch! Cry no more, rose of the morning! I, Prince Philip, sole and legitimate heir to the Kingdom of Lemos, have come to fulfill my equestrian destiny. My sword is blessed by honor, and my hair is perfectly styled for battle. I shall rescue the damsel because that is what a real man does!

Princess Tiffany

(Opening one eye from the cushion) Well, the speech was a bit long, but the haircut is acceptable. I'll give you a seven out of ten, prince.

BRAD THE BULLY enters, pushing past the scenery. He walks with arched shoulders, acting tough and speaking in a raspy voice.

Brad

Make way, wimps! Take off your capes, the real terror of monsters has arrived! Look here, fat King, keep that porcelain prince in his display case. The Dragon is mine. I don't need poetic speeches; I fix things with my fists. I'm taking the princess and the entire wedding buffet! Let's see who's got real power here!

Philip

(Offended, adjusting his cape) What audacity! Your language is as rustic as your manners, rough knight. We shall meet on the battlefield, and history will judge who the true protagonist is.

Brad

(Gives him a shoulder shove) You're history, Philip! Last one to the forest is a rotten egg. See ya there!

Brad runs off coarsely. Philip strikes a heroic exit pose and runs after him gracefully. King Barnaby applauds.

King Barnaby

Excellent! This is getting terribly exciting! Let us go set the tables for the banquet; all this stress is making me incredibly hungry.

✦ ✦ ✦

Act 2: The Encounter at the Inn

INT. AN INN ALONG THE WAY - DAYThere is a table and a couple of wooden benches. Brad is sitting down, devouring a giant loaf of bread with his hands, chewing with his mouth wide open. Philip enters, dusts off his shoulder with a handkerchief, and sits at the next table.

Philip

Innkeeper, please bring a glass of spring water with two drops of lemon to refresh my heroic throat. The road to glory is quite dusty.

Brad

(Glances at him, swallows the bread in one gulp, and stands up abruptly, slamming the table) Hey, you, tights-boy. Are you following me? Or are you too scared to enter the forest alone and need a real man to watch your back?

Philip

(Stands up calmly, keeping his back straight) Master Brad, my moral compass forbids me from experiencing fear. I merely stopped to hydrate my vocal cords. But I see your hostility is as vast as your lack of hygiene.

Brad

Oh, you want a piece of me? Draw your sword if you're that eager to lose! I'm gonna give you a beating that'll leave your armor ready for the scrap heap. Defend yourself!

Brad lunges to deliver a giant, predictable punch. Philip, with an agile fencing movement, steps aside and dodges the blow. Brad loses his balance from the momentum and is about to crash headfirst into the wooden table. At the absolute last millisecond, Philip slides his arm around Brad's waist, catching him with strength and elegance to keep him from getting hurt. They freeze in that pose for three seconds: Philip holding Brad like a ballroom dancer, and Brad with his eyes wide open, inches away from Philip's face. Brief romantic music plays and cuts off abruptly.

Philip

(In a soft, courteous voice) Steady, knight. A warrior without balance is merely a hazard to the furniture. Are you unharmed?

Brad

(Completely thrown off, pulls away roughly, nervously straightens his vest, and starts stuttering, blushing) Huh? Yeah... I mean... of course I'm fine! Why did you grab me like that? That's... that's not in the rules of tavern brawls. Men punch each other, they don't... they don't save each other from tables with such delicacy.

Philip

(Smiling, putting away his handkerchief) Strength without grace is nothing but clumsiness, Brad. The true art of combat lies in protecting your opponent while defeating him.

Brad

(Looking at the floor, twiddling his fingers, in a shy voice) Hey... you've got a pretty good grip... you're pretty strong in the arm... I mean, I'm gonna destroy you tomorrow in the woods! Don't you forget it! You're my mortal enemy! Bye!

Brad runs out of the inn in a huge hurry, tripping over the door, visibly confused by his own sudden feelings. Philip looks at him, puzzled.

Philip

A very peculiar fellow. Terrible combat posture, but his eyes betray a certain nobility. Ah well, the damsel awaits.

✦ ✦ ✦

Act 3: The Forest and the Uncomfortable Princess

EXT. THE BLACK FOREST - SUNSETPrincess Tiffany is tied to a prop tree with a very loose rope. Seeing Philip approach, she quickly drops her relaxed stance and begins to complain dramatically.

Princess Tiffany

Oh, help! Rescue me! The monster approaches and I am but a fragile wild flower helpless against cruel fate! Let a knight come and rescue me!

Philip

(Runs in, drops to his knees before her, and takes her hand) Fear not, my lady! The shield of Lemos has arrived to break your bonds! Before I proceed to sever these ropes with my tempered steel, I shall recite the official rescue poem, as stipulated in Article 12 of the Knight's Manual. «Oh, maiden of the keep, whose eyes...»

Princess Tiffany

(Breaking character completely, in a flat, bored voice) Look, look, hold on a second, Philip. Are you serious right now? The sun is beating directly on my face, this tree has ants, and the knot is digging right into my left rib. Can we skip the poetry and just untie me?

Philip

(Offended, standing up) But Princess! Protocol is crystal clear. If I do not recite the poem before untying you, the rescue has no legal validity in the royal chronicles. We must maintain the storybook decorum.

Princess Tiffany

To hell with decorum! I've been practicing this faint for two hours and my calf is cramping up. Either you untie me or I do it myself, because my dad tied this knot and it's absolute garbage.

✦ ✦ ✦

Act 4: The Appearance of the Dragon

EXT. THE BLACK FOREST - CONTINUEDA terrifying roar is heard. The DRAGON enters, throwing red crepe paper streamers from its mouth and waving its claws. Tiffany snaps back into textbook panic mode.

Dragon

ROAAAR! Dinner time! Grilled princess with a side of knights! Nobody move!

Philip

For the honor of my kingdom! Die, beast!

Philip lunges into attack. Suddenly, BRAD charges out of the bushes holding a tree branch, trying to push Philip out of the way.

Brad

Get out of the way, Philip! The credit for this kill is mine! I'm delivering the final blow!

Physical comedy chaos ensues: Brad trips over Philip's cape, Philip tries to dodge the Dragon, and in the mess, Philip's sword flies through the air and accidentally smacks the Dragon right in the stomach. The Dragon lets out a high-pitched yelp, wobbles dramatically, and crashes onto its back. MERLIN THE PIXIE pops out from behind the tree carrying a bucket full of confetti and some plastic leafy branches.

Merlin

Quick, you pair of geniuses! It's not dead, just dazed! This isn't a real monster; it's a victim of the "Fierce Hunger Curse"! To break the spell we must perform the ancient ritual! Brad, hit it gently on the back with the magic branches! Philip, the confetti water!

Brad, thoroughly confused, begins to rhythmically tap the Dragon on the back with the branches. Philip takes the bucket and dumps all the confetti over the monster's head, performing ballet spins around it. The Dragon starts to complain, but its voice begins to sound human.

Dragon

Ouch! No, not the branches! Confeti makes my nose itchy! I feel like I'm deflating! Oh, my hair!

The Dragon does one final roll on the floor. Philip and Brad pull off the big plush head together. From inside emerges PRINCE CHAD.

✦ ✦ ✦

Act 5: The Influencer’s Awakening and Merlin's Therapy

EXT. THE BLACK FOREST - CONTINUED

Prince Chad

(Talking incredibly fast, in a modern content creator tone) Hey, hey, what's up, my beautiful people! Welcome back to another livestream on my channel! You won't believe today's extreme challenge: trapped for three years in a plush dragon suit with zero Wi-Fi signal and absolutely no engagement! Total madness! Remember to smash that like button, subscribe, and hit the notification bell... (He frantically checks his clothes, panicking) Wait a minute! Where is my phone?! How many followers do I have left?! Am I still trending?!

Princess Tiffany

(Stepping forward, checking him out from top to bottom, impressed by his looks) Well... The Knight's Manual completely left out the detail that the monster was a television heartthrob. I suppose... now that we’ve broken your curse, protocol says you must fall in love with me at first sight, ask for my hand in marriage, and upload a photo of our royal engagement to the kingdom's social media.

Prince Chad

(Analyzing Tiffany with his fingers on his chin) Let's see, let me check your profile... Princess Tiffany. You’ve got a good color palette, excellent natural lighting... If we get married in a live event, we’d make a brutal collaborative stream. We could gain ten thousand followers in an hour! (He turns to Philip, analyzing him too) Although... hey, you, the one in the shiny armor. You have incredible facial symmetry for fashion challenge videos. If I colab with you, we’d break the Lemos algorithm. (He turns to Brad) And you! The tough guy with the bad attitude. The "preppy boy meets bad boy" contrast is totally trending on all platforms right now... Oh, I don't know who to choose to generate the most content! I'm losing my focus! Who gives me the most engagement?!

Chad enters a digital anxiety crisis, spinning on his own axis and posing dramatically in front of the three.

Princess Tiffany

(Dropping the act completely, thoroughly disappointed) You know what? Everything is canceled. How dreadful. This boy isn't looking for a life partner, he's looking for a living banner ad. I'm over fairy tales. What a relief. Come to think of it, Chad's brain is fried from screens, Philip talks like a boring book from the last century, and I have better things to do. I'm going to the royal university to study law and public administration. I'm going to rule Pratzia by myself and with a clear head. Keep your followers, Chad!

KING BARNABY runs in, very agitated.

King Barnaby

By all the royal banquets! I heard the shouting from the palace. Who is this heavily hair-gelled young man and where is the dragon's corpse I promised for the official royal photo? Someone has to get married right now, the food is going to get cold!

Prince Philip

(Takes off his heavy armor and breathes a sigh of relief) Your Majesty, I'm afraid traditional weddings are suspended due to a total lack of romantic interest. And honestly... thank goodness. I detest this armor, it chafes my shoulders, and the metal gives my hair terrible static electricity. I just wanted to fulfill my duty as a responsible neighbor.

Brad the Bully

(Completely ignoring the King and Chad, he approaches Philip shyly, fiddling with the hilt of his sword and blushing a little) Hey... Philip. It’s great that the princess decided to stay single and you’re free from royal commitments... The forest in your kingdom must be very beautiful this time of year, right? Do you think... do you think tomorrow you could teach me that technique you used back at the inn? You have a lot of strength in your arms... I mean, just to improve my combat style in case another... influencer shows up.

Prince Philip

(Smiling warmly, taking his arm in a gentlemanly manner) It will be an absolute honor, Brad. Tomorrow morning we start your flexibility training. You have a lot of potential; you just need to refine your manners. Let's go.

Philip and Brad walk off together toward the exit, chatting happily in low voices. King Barnaby holds his head.

King Barnaby

This is a protocol disaster! I understand absolutely nothing about youth these days!

Merlin

(Approaches Prince Chad, putting a firm and calming hand on his shoulder, leading him away from the King) Alright, alright... calm down, my dear content creator. Your compass of what truly matters in this world is more lost than a dragon in a china shop. You and I need to have a long, long talk.

Prince Chad

(Anxious) But Merlin! I haven't posted a story in three years! My fans are going to think I'm old news! I need Wi-Fi!

Merlin

Not at all. We are going to apply a highly effective ancestral behavioral technique that I invented last Tuesday. Have you ever heard of "Dopamine Detoxification through Prolonged Tree-Hugging with Zero Return on Investment"? It's wonderful for the neurons. It consists of staring fixedly at a pine needle for four straight hours, without being able to apply any beauty filters or look for a phone charger. Move it, back to the woods!

Merlin leads Chad away by the arm. Chad walks submissively but confused, trying to flash a final peace sign toward the audience before exiting.

King Barnaby

(Looking at Princess Tiffany, resigned) Well, daughter... no wedding, the dragon turned out to be a mirror-obsessed boy, and the heroes walked off hand-in-hand to train... But the musicians have already been paid and the taco and cake buffet is served in the grand hall. What do we do?

Princess Tiffany

(Smiling, taking his arm) Well, let's eat, Dad! Because to rule a kingdom and study law tomorrow, I need a completely full stomach. Cue the modern music!

Upbeat, rhythmic, modern music begins to play. The Royals, Tiffany, and all the characters return to the stage, breaking traditional theatrical formations. They dance together freely, funnily, and naturally, waving to the audience and high-fiving each other.

Merlin

(Throwing a final handful of shiny confetti toward the front row of the audience) And snip, snap, snout... this digital tale... has glitched right out! See ya, friends!

THE END